If you catch yourself saying "literally" or "so to speak"...

Today, I'd like to share a way to tell if you've just uttered an Unintended Pun; at least it's a way I notice them when I have. It's when I say something, and then I trail off a little, then say "literally" or "so to speak." Example: "This brewed iced tea is a hot item...so to speak," or "I hope you had some striking views of lightning...literally." This technique also works even if you just think "literally" or "so to speak," as in the second example, when you don't want your listener to notice that you just uttered something you don't want him or her to notice, and kind of wish you hadn't said it.

And here are a couple of Unintended Puns to start your weekend right.

June 19, 2011
After friends of ours who had just gotten married described getting lost in the desert near Sedona, my wife explained that every marriage needs those tough experiences at the beginning: “After we drove into the cloud hovering over Mt. Washington, and Bob couldn't see two feet in front of the windshield, it was all downhill after that.”

April 23, 2011
On the TV show Psych, Henry was being pursued by a lady. I said: “We'll have to see how Henry makes out with his lady friend."

Okay, one more related to heat, which may not even count...

Today's word usage may branch us into a new category of puns; at least I don't think I've catalogued one like this before. It involves the mis-spelling of a word, which results in a homonymic pun with the correctly spelled word. You'll see what I mean in a second, and you'll have to help me decide if it counts.

July 9, 2011
As we came home from the grocery, just before she pulled into the driveway, my wife hesitated, trying to decide on which side of the driveway she should park based on which car in the garage she should park behind. I said, as I pointed toward the back of the car: “Whatever you decide, do it soon, because this meat is bakin'.”

I said "bakin'" just like that--not "baking". It sounded just like bacon. So, it wasn't a pun of just one word having two meanings, it was a case of two different words, sounding the same, creating the pun. Does that count as a pun? You help me make the final determination. I would like to add it to my catalogue, because I think it should count. But I'd like your opinion.

Last Heat-related Pun (maybe)

Amazingly, the temperature here dropped to the high 70s on Sunday evening (compared to about 105 the past several days). I mentioned two posts ago that my son had found a job working outside. He and I had talked about the need to work whenever the weather gave him a chance--not so much in Phoenix, but in many parts of the country, landscapers work 12 hour days when the weather permits, because they don't make money when they can't work, and they can't work when the weather doesn't let them. Here, you need to take advantage when it's a little cooler, I said.

This morning at 8:45, as I walked past his closed bedroom door, I thought about our conversation.

July 4, 2011
I said to myself: “You better strike while the iron's hot.”

He doesn't use iron tools, but he does use metal tools. And he will be working in a very hot environment if he doesn't get going soon.

Another Phoenix Heat-Related Pun

To celebrate Saturday's 118 degree scorcher here in Phoenix, I thought I'd pass this one along.

My wife owns her own medical practice. All of these 110-degree-plus days in a row has revealed a serious flaw in her office suite's A/C system. Apparently, the mechanical engineer had recommended a certain size unit for the compressor, but a smaller size was actually installed three years ago. Thus, several of the rooms cannot be cooled sufficiently to make them comfortable for the staff or patients. This, of course, is going to lead to some tricky negotiations--who is going to pay for an upgrade to the A/C system--the landlord should pay, but since the "feeling" of air differs from person to person, how can one really prove that a bigger system is needed, or that some other remedy must be investigated and installed.

July 3, 2011
My wife explained the dilemma like this: “The feeling of air is subjective. Warmth is a matter of degrees.”

This use of words shows that a pun can be a true statement taken either way.

Chilling Out in 115 Degrees

After a long search, my son has managed to find a part-time job.

(As a brief excursus from our normal pursuit of word play, if you are interested to learn about the reasons why he and millions of others including his older college-graduate sister cannot find full-time work, read the chapter entitled "Business Cycle" in Ron Paul's book Liberty Defined. I quote from it here:

The answer involves looking not at the downturn itself, but at the structure of the preceding boom...Because artificially low interest rates cause an expansion of the money supply, these invented rates are central to understanding what causes booms...When interest rates fall below their market rate, a false signal is sent out that there are more saved funds available for lending, so naturally, everyone starts to do more business and expand production...This boom is usually worsened by government promising bailouts to banks...Simply put, if we want to cure the bust, don't create the boom."
Click here for a link to the book.)

Back to my son. Unfortunately for him, the job is outside, it's heavy manual labor, it's summer, and it's Phoenix, Arizona. And he happened to start the job on a day that the high temperature hit at least 110 degrees.

June 23, 2011
In explaining this to a work colleague, I said: “The good news is that the house where he's doing the landscaping is near our house, so he can go home over lunch and chill out.”

As I caught myself, I quickly glanced at my colleague. He had not noticed what I was afraid he would take to be a lame attempt at humor.