Johnny Manziel--Bust of Epic Proportions?

The Cleveland Browns drafted Johnny Manziel with their second pick of the first round of this year's NFL draft, if nothing else possibly getting their quarterback of the near future, and definitely assuring more coverage than in years past on internet sports pages. As a Browns fan, I really don't care much about the silly "news items" that detail Johnny's latest trip or indiscretion, but I did read an article in which Doug Flutie compared Johnny Football and Andrew Luck, the Colts' quarterback. Besides Flutie having had a great NFL and CFL quarterback career, he played a lot like Manziel, so I thought his views would be interesting and insightful, as indeed they were. You can read the article here.

For the purposes of this blog, one of the comments was quite pertinent, and very funny in the bargain. Andrew Luck is probably about three or four inches taller than Johnny Manziel, in case you aren't familiar with the two players in question.

July 9, 2014 Ted, the commenter, gave his opinion of the differences between Andrew Luck and Johnny Manziel: "About 2 feet in height, and that's just for starters! Johnny Football will be a BUST of epic proportions!"

Given that a bust can mean a sculpture, the comment could mean that Johnny will have a bust in Canton (where the Pro Football Hall of Fame resides) commemorating his Hall of Fame career, though I suspect not. Anyway, I think the comment is a nice juxtaposition of pointing out Manziel's relatively small stature (he's actually about six feet tall, so we're not talking about a small person here), with claiming he will be will be a huge football bust (that is, a big disappointment, of gargantuan size).

Tell us what you think, either about the pun or about Johnny Football. Heck, every other internet page has debated his merits or lack thereof!

Cars and Puns

In the Annual Auto Issue, Consumer Reports has an article titled "The road to self-driving cars." That title, of course, is a pun, as are most of the sub-titles within the article ("Taking control," "Looking down the road"). So it's possible the Unintended Pun that I am recording here is actually intended, and the article writer is cleverer than I am willing to admit. But Consumer Reports is not known, at least by me, for its snappy writing style, so I'm going to stick with my guess that it's Unintended.

The paragraphs in question occur in the sidebar "Behind the wheel of a self-driving car." The person in the driver seat, after turning control of the car over to the vehicle's "traffic-jam assist feature" said that he could do other things, but "sleeping was not one of them...he pretended to sleep, and after about 10 seconds the vehicle noticed. An audible alert sounded, and when he still didn't open his eyes the vehicle shut down in the middle of the highway and activated the hazard lights." There would be a better system on production vehicles, but for now, that's how the car reacted.

March 9, 2014 A couple of sentences after the article said he hadn't opened his eyes, the same person: "pointed out an eye-opening reminder of how quickly the technology is advancing."

I think that's perfect, and pretty funny, too. Tell me what you think.

I also think it's sad that in the same issue, Consumer Reports wants its readers to believe that safety features are free:

P. 81: "After all, if a small car such as the Honda Civic can come with [a backup camera] at no extra cost, why shouldn't every car?"

Would you take financial advice (Consumer Reports gives plenty of it) from a company that somehow believes car features come to the consumer for free? I realize they are just showing the same lack of understanding of how economics works as all mainstream economists and typical lobbyists do--we are supposed to be glad because they say they lobbied the government to make sure backup cameras are "required" by the government. Of course, when backup cameras are required, the price of a new car will be higher, so people will drive their older cars longer, making cars less safe--see required air bags and electronic stability control, and you won't wonder why the average age of cars on the road has increased.

Please post your puns or your harangues any time.

Two New Puns for the New Year

Last time I said I'd blog about "missionary positions" and "grasping handshakes." But I've got two newer ones--you see, the Unintended Pun really does enter into everyday life if you just pay attention. So those will have to wait for another time.

Today's first Pun comes from an on-line discussion my son was having about a Sopranos episode. The other person had just described the plot, which included the characters discussing how best to carry out a hit.

January 10, 2014 My son, who had seen the episode, replied with regard to the other person's description of the plot: "That's dead on."

The best part? The target of the hit didn't die, making the pun sort of a double pun, or a reverse pun, or something.

Today's second Unintended Pun comes from the radio waves. Declaring it "Unintended" is always a bit dicey, since I can't know for sure that the speaker didn't intend it; please know that I try to err on the side of caution--there are enough Unintended Puns in my own life that I don't have to add more just to have something to blog about. In this case, it occurred during improvised patter, so I think I'm pretty safe.

If you are a Christian, and haven't listened to Brant Hansen on Air1, you really should give him and it a try. He's often funny, usually insightful, and has great discussions with listeners and his producer, Sherry. And Air1, a national network of radio stations, plays a nice selection of Christian rock and pop music. He's the DJ in the afternoons Brant's Page on Air1's Web Site

The Pun occurred when he was describing how you know when you've gone too far as a sports fan. It's a question I've asked myself many times over the decades. His answer was pretty simple, as many of his answers are: you've gone too far as a sports fan when your team loses, you let your grumpiness affect the way you treat your family and friends. I think that's very helpful, and I suspect a lot of sports fans would feel the same way.

January 120, 2014 Here's how Brant described how you should approach being a sports fan: "When your team loses, you slough it off. When your team wins, you celebrate woo-hoo! It's a no-lose situation."

The humor/pun of course, is that if your team lost, it is, in fact, a lose situation... for your team. But if you deal with it properly, it is a no-lose situation for you and your family--you had fun watching the game, or at least were able to pour some passion into something you enjoy, and afterwards, just go on with life. That's the right attitude.

Please post your Unintended Puns here, or comments on these Puns. Thanks for reading.